Being Lonely Isn’t as Bad as You Think (Here’s Why)
It’s the same questions you hear daily from people who you think care about you. “Hey, how was your day?” Or “How are you?” You have to say your “good” just to avoid getting into a deep conversation that they wouldn’t understand.
Loneliness is inexplainable, the only person who knows how you’re feeling is yourself.
We tend to assume that people don’t actually care about how we are doing. They only ask us those questions so that they come off as kindhearted and compassionate.
Occasionally you’ll get those few people that know when something isn’t right with you. They're usually the people who are closest to you like your best friends or members of your family. Although, no matter how understanding they are, they will never understand the dark feeling of loneliness that you’re experiencing.
You would think during this time in your life that you would have a lot of friends or at least one person to talk about these problems. It’s not that you don’t have anyone, there’s just nobody who you actually want to talk to.
It’s like you want to be alone but you also want somebody to listen. It’s weird, I know, just like I mentioned above, it’s very hard to explain.
You don’t want to be lonely forever but that's where your life is right now. The truth is that there are many good things that can come from being alone at times. We don’t usually think about these things when they’re happening but we realize them in the long run.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with loneliness.
The More Time You Spend Alone, The More You’ll Learn About Yourself
When first being struck with loneliness, you may think about what your friends are doing or what that special someone in your life is up to. You’re too afraid to give them a call because you don’t want to come off as needy or desperate for attention.
This gives you time to think and ask yourself a couple of questions that sound like: “Why do I want to hang out with them?” or “Why do I need their presence in order to be happy?”
After all, before you were feeling lonely you didn’t have to worry about bothering these people, every time you guys hung out it felt natural.
Taking time to dwell on these questions will allow you to learn more about who you are when it comes to your social life.
Many of the world’s most extroverted people find themselves feeling lonely from time to time.
Being alone causes you to review everything that’s going on in your life and seeing if you’re happy with it. If you see a problem, then it’s your responsibility to fix it.
You may even begin to realize what you like most about yourself. Whether it has to do with a certain skill you possess or your natural personality. Finding things that you like about yourself is a great way to take your mind off of loneliness. Ask yourself what you want most out of life, not what other people want for you.
“Life is a game, you live so you play. Follow your dreams and win what your happy heart desires.”
― Roel van Sleeuwen
The Best Time to Try New Things Is When You’re Alone
Have you ever been scared to try something that you’ve always wanted to do because you were scared of what people may think?
This was the case for me when it came to writing. My friends are not the type of people who like to sit down with a cup of coffee and read a nice article.
I was ashamed to mention my writing to them when I first started, it was embarrassing and even cringy to think about.
Due to the ongoing pandemic, I have been forced to not be around my friends for months. I no longer had time to think about what my friends thought, if this was something that I wanted to be successful at I had to get started despite their opinions.
Here I am now writing five articles a week on Medium only a few months in.
When you’re alone, you will begin to realize that all of the things you’ve always wanted to do will be right in front of you. The opportunity is there to get started with nobody around to look at you funny.
When you conquer the fear of getting started, you will be a lot happier with yourself. The motivation to get started didn’t come from other people, it came from within you, you had to dig deep and find it on your own.
Overcoming fears by yourself is a great feeling that I think everyone needs to experience at least once in their life.
You’re Able to Be Yourself At All Times
Examine yourself and see how you act when you are with other people versus when you’re alone.
At which state do you feel most comfortable?
When you’re alone, you may sing to yourself or even dance a little. These are things that you do without thought when you’re by yourself. You could do these things when around other people but then there's the fear of embarrassment that comes with it.
Don’t you like being different?
Imagine if everyone had the same personality and the same sense of humor as you, that would be no fun. It would be too hard to differentiate yourself from everybody else.
Being lonely shouldn’t be looked at as a negative thing, this is the time where you get to do whatever you want and think about whatever you want.
Did you forget that loneliness doesn’t last forever? Although it may feel like it at times, you have the power to choose if you want to be alone or not.
When you’re able to be yourself at all times you won't have to beg for anyone’s attention. The crowd that you’re destined to attract will come to you naturally.
After spending a lot of time alone living on campus, I realized that a lot of jokes that were funny to me weren't funny to the people who I was trying to impress.
Over time, I promised myself to keep making those weird and quirky jokes no matter who was around. Some people would get it and some people would not. The people who did get it ended up being people who I could relate to and build a friendship with.
Discover this superpower by embracing your loneliness. Try making yourself laugh every day and you will be a lot more comfortable being on your own.
So, to whoever is feeling lonely life right now, don’t worry things will get better with time. For now, meditate on some of the ideas I mentioned above and be happy with your time alone. I’ll leave you with a quote from Laurence Sterne that says
“In solitude, the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.”