How to Focus on Yourself Without Feeling Selfish

You will need some alone time in order to grow

Photo by Prasanth Inturi from Pexels

Nobody wants somebody else to forget about them, unless you may have done something really embarrassing in front of them.

The people who we care about and that have our respect are important to us for a reason. We don’t want them to leave or to not think about us. When this happens we tend to think that we’re some sort of failure or disappointment. This even causes us to show them a little more attention than we should at times.

Do you ever wonder if those people get annoyed by that?

People love attention but too much of it can be bad for both the person receiving and giving it.

In order for you to grow as an individual, you’re going to have to spend some time alone. Many people have a hard time doing this because they end up feeling like they’re too focused on themselves.

The point of self-improvement isn't to be self-centered but to know how much care you need for yourself in order to be a better person.

If you’re a naturally giving person then you may find it difficult to have time to think about what you want and what you need. Sometimes the needs that you have but can’t figure out is some time alone. You’re not the only one who’s afraid to be alone.

Again, the point of focusing on yourself for the better isn't to feel alone but to let yourself know that you’re not. It may not make a lot of sense now but you’re not alone when you’re spending quality time with yourself.

You will get to a point where you’re not going to feel like you need anyone’s attention or that you have to impress people in order for them to like you. The benefits that come from building yourself up from nothing are unexplainable, to say the least.

Stop looking for excuses to not be alone, one might be that you don’t have enough “time” for yourself. Delete these excuses out from your head and use that time to your advantage.

Spending time with your thoughts

A gentle and relaxing first step to take when it comes to focusing on yourself is to spend some time with your thoughts.

This can be at any time of the day from when you first wake up and you’re having trouble getting out of bed to times where you’re on break at work.

Having a routine of giving yourself 10–20 minutes of just thinking about what you want out of life is great for your mental health.

During this time alone you want to make your goals clear to yourself. It’s easy to start thinking about different goals you may have for yourself but it’s even easier to mix those goals up with negative thoughts that come and go.

So, what does a clear goal look like?

Well, that’s up for you to decide, but there are some ways of thinking that will make your goals more transparent in a sense. Think about your goals in detail, what would your life look like when these goals were accomplished?

Some things to consider during this thought process are your age, where you would be living, and the feeling that you want to get out of that goal. It’s important to have a feeling associated with what you want to accomplish because even when you do reach that certain goal of monetary value it won’t give you the satisfaction that you thought you would have.

How would you start treating people if you were to accomplish this goal?

Would you be any nicer to people or would you be the opposite? You should treat people well no matter where you are in life because they’re just like you when it comes to reaching for their goals, so have a little empathy when it comes to different interactions.

What’s stopping you from focusing on yourself?

If it has to do with other people who you want to impress then maybe you should really check in on yourself and see how those people are affecting your life.

Are they making it better or worse?

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Go off the grid for awhile

What does it mean to go off-grid? Basically, this means that you’re not going to be in direct contact with anyone. It’s like you’re leaving your social group or the people close to you. Doing this for a certain number of weeks or months can really help you get a better picture of what you want for yourself.

When you’re not in contact with many people for a certain amount of time you have no choice but to focus on yourself. People will also have more respect for you when doing this because they see how you’re trying to better your life.

Usually, when people take notice of the amount of care that you give to yourself, they become less likely to be a bother to you. You won't feel selfish when going off-grid because you know that you’re doing it for a good purpose.

Spend some time working on yourself so that you can be 100% when helping others.

How can you benefit from being alone?

Being alone has the power to make you find out a lot of unknown things that you didn’t know about yourself.

Back when I took a break from social media for a few years I realized that I had a passion for reading books. If it wasn’t for me having all that downtime alone I probably wouldn’t even consider myself as a “book person.”

If you never loved yourself before then spending some time alone can help with that. There will be times where you feel lonely through this process but sometimes you need to experience a little bit of loneliness to understand that it’s not that hard to keep yourself company.

You will also face the fear of not having to impress other people for attention, you’ll only be focused on how you can impress yourself.

Remember, during this hiatus you don’t want to contact anybody just for attention, have a genuine reason for talking or messaging that person.

Check up on people every now and then

Once you get into a state where everything becomes about improving and what you can do to better yourself, it can be easy to forget about other people.

I mean that was the initial goal, right?

You don’t ever want to forget about the people who helped you or the people that were there for you during your dark days. It’s important to check up on how other people are doing while you’re on this self-improvement journey.

These conversations will be more enlightening, more positive, and most importantly more genuine.

Remember, the reason why you wanted to start focusing on yourself is so that you can eventually help others do the same. What good is it if you’re happy and your friends and family aren’t?

There’s not much to think about here, the formula is actually pretty simple.

The process and the practice itself will be a little harder though. Deal with your loneliness so that you don't have te rely on other people for attention. Make sure that the people you want to have a relationship feel the same way about you.

Again, is there really a point in doing something for people that you don’t even like?

So, when no matter if you’re having a good or bad day it’s crucial that you still check up on people. Don’t do it for yourself but do it so that you keep your relationships healthy.

When focusing on yourself, you may go a few weeks without talking to your friends, and if you’re lucky they’ll even check up on you sometimes. Just, help out when you can.

If you’re finding time to improve your life then you should have some time to help others as well. At the end of the day, people do matter and the relationships that you have with them do too. So, make sure that when focusing on yourself that you keep your close ones in mind too.

Taking time to realize how you’re actually doing in life isn’t selfish, it’s something that everyone has to deal with whether they like it or not. This time should be dedicated to making yourself a better person, not the other way around. I’ll leave you with a quote from Ritu Ghatourey that says

“Real change will come when you focus on yourself.”

A young adult who’s writing is geared towards self-improvement and self care. “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”

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