How to Forgive and Forget Under Difficult Circumstances

Moving on isn’t easy but can be done with the right mindset

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People will betray you, it’s a natural part of life.

Believe it or not, you can’t trust everyone who you encounter. Whether it’s a new coworker or a new neighbor, people will be people and sometimes your relationship with them can get ugly. The truth is that you always have to keep your guard up no matter what, as you get older you start to understand that you can’t put your trust into a lot of people.

Have you ever been betrayed?

It sucks, especially at the moment when it’s happening. You feel an instant pit of regret in your stomach about the person who you were cool with and it’s ok. Eventually, you will bump into people who are actually genuine and are worried about you more than themselves, which is nice.

Now, have you ever betrayed somebody or done something wrong to them?

This isn’t easy to admit but there are times where I’ve used people. Whether if it was with bad intentions or not, I still ended up doing it. Once you get a taste of the evil side you’re instantly turned off from it.

There are different ways to spot people who are not trustworthy. Overtime we do tend to forget about these situations that happen with people but it still hurts. Part of the history with that person or those people who turned their back on you is still with you till this day.

How can you easily forgive and forget people?

You can’t… do it easily but you can do it if you’re willing to put your mind and heart into it. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, people are most likely looking out for their best interest rather than yours. Once you understand that then it becomes a bit more simple to forgive certain people in certain situations.

Remember, you have the option to forgive or not, there a few things that you can do to become better at this skill that we can talk about.

Understand That Nobody Is Perfect

You’re not perfect and nobody else is. If you’re involved in a situation where you can see somebody else doing things with bad intentions but are too afraid to admit it then you need to reflect on your principles.

It’s hard for you to speak up and deal with confrontation because you don’t want the situation to go from bad to worse. Even when dealing with people who are a bit manipulative, it can be hard to feel like you’re right.

Have you ever witnessed somebody doing something that seemed rude or out of control but it’s to the point where you can’t call them out? They’re doing something else that's keeping them safe, they’re doing something that’s keeping them hidden.

The more you start to realize that people will not be right 100% percent of the time you can start accepting forgiveness in your life. Think of all the mistakes you’ve made in your life, you may have been able to deal with it better than some people but that doesn’t mean that somebody else is going to deal with situations better than you, that’s just not fair.

Stop looking at people’s flaws as something you don’t have, you have your own flaws too that everyone but yourself can see. When somebody betrays you, remind yourself that nobody’s perfect. It doesn’t mean what that person did was right but hey they’re still a human at then of that day and they’re going to mess up sometimes just like you.

The world is so heavily impacted by people who betray them because they want some sort of justice. Life isn’t going to care when stuff like that happens, just like with every other obstacle life has to offer you’re going to have to accept it and move on.

This is one simple way you can become a more forgiving person within a matter of minutes.

Photo by Marius Venter from Pexels

Make Peace With Yourself Before You Do With Others

If you haven’t forgiven the person who stole your lunch back in middle school yet then you probably need to work on your inner peace.

Reaching an eternal state of peace is something that everyone is searching for nowadays but is really hard to achieve when you’re dealing with regret and you’re not able to forgive.

I’ve forgotten about a lot of the stuff that happened to me during elementary school but of course, somethings stick harder than others. You will not be able to forget every negative situation that has happened to you but you will be able to forgive in a lot of those situations.

Somethings shouldn’t be forgotten, they are there as a life lesson, something that you can keep with you for the future in case you run into a similar situation.

As much as I want to go into the whole “everything happens for a reason” message I’m going to hold off on that for now. What’s really important is being able to gain peace from situations where people may have betrayed you or done you dirty.

Finding peace in these scenarios is all about acceptance and what you can do moving forward instead of living in the past. Instead of getting upset about something that has happened a long time ago, say to yourself “Ok, that happened,” “What can I do to make my future better from that moment and in the present moment.” Simple questions like this can really help you find peace really fast.

You don’t have to go into your room and meditate for hours at a time to find moments of peace, you just need to reflect on some situations and see what’s something positive you can get out of them.

Let those people who betrayed you worry, you don’t have to be stressed out about them if you don’t want to. Remember it’s a choice.

Give the situation some time

You have to give things time or else they won’t have a positive impact on you. If we’re being honest it’s hard to forget what somebody did to you. Giving things like this some time to form into something greater is a nice feeling.

Be willing to observe yourself in all scenarios; how do you react when somebody does you wrong? Compare that reaction to how you think you would deal with it today. Pretty big difference right?

When something happens to you in the near future, don’t think about how bad it is at that moment but think about how you’ll feel about it five years from now.

People may think revenge is the answer for all backstabbers but what’s even better is time. Not giving that person all of your energy when you’re sad or angry about what they did to you is the best thing you can do for yourself.

During the time where you’re eventually starting to understand how that situation happened or what you did wrong, you will begin to be more aware of the people around you. This is also the time where many people start their self-improvement journey.

Use the time away from that incident to your advantage, instead of dwelling on the past become stronger as an individual mentally and emotionally.

“Time heals all wounds,” or at least most.

Other problems will eventually come up in your life that you’re going to have to deal with leading you into forgetting about those people who bullied you when you were younger.

How do you view time? What do you really think about it? Time can be your enemy or your friend depending on how you decide to use it.

Forgiveness comes with getting to know yourself and learning more about acceptance. Being able to forget things simply comes with time and some self-reflection. I’ll leave you with a quote from Lewis B. Smedes that says

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

A young adult who’s writing is geared towards self-improvement and self care. “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”

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