Stop Being Trapped in the Minds of Others
Why try to impress everyone when you can impress the ones who care about you the most
It’s impossible to get everyone to like you, there’s really no point in even trying. It takes time to realize this because as humans we’re fascinated by validation and we like to impress people. Whether this is showing someone a hidden talent for the first time or telling people about our recent accomplishments.
We get happy when someone tells us “wow, that’s impressive” or “I wish I could do that.”
We need to stop striving for the satisfaction of others because we will start living for them and not for ourselves. Don’t you want to be able to impress yourself and make yourself happy? This can be done by us constantly working on ourselves and setting reasonable goals to accomplish in the near future.
It’s ok for everyone not to like you, they weren't meant to anyway. Think about it like this, there are people who you don’t like for whatever reason. Yes, you are one of these people to somebody else. Humans need to be capable of working together but we also need to be able to not take each other too seriously.
Sometimes we say things to each other that hurt and we may even find each other disagreeing on certain things but what we need to realize is that we are all different in our own unique way. Without these confrontations the world wouldn’t be as advanced as it is today, you don’t have to disagree with everyone that you meet but you can be more open-minded.
This will allow you to take less offense from others and to be ok with your own thoughts. Stop trying to impress everyone and your relationship with yourself will grow. Why do you want everyone to like you anyway? Imagine how time-consuming and tiring that would be to have a good relationship with everyone in the world at the same time, let it go.
People Relate in Different Ways
Have you ever thought about why you have the friends you have now? There are certain things that you can relate to with them that you can’t with others which makes your friendships beautiful and natural.
Learning how to be direct in what you look for in a person can help you decipher the people with who you would like to build a relationship and the ones you don’t. Whenever you meet someone who you assume doesn’t like you, think about the friends you do have. They like you for you, you don’t have to try and be somebody you’re not when talking with them over the phone or when hanging out with them in person.
Become content with the people with who you have a good relationship now because who knows how long that relationship will last. Everyone that you meet has a different perspective on life, no matter how much you want someone to relate to you, they may not be able to because of their experiences.
If you’re a super positive person who likes to talk about happiness and all the things that are going good in the world, you’re not going to mesh well with someone who may have had a rough time being positive all of their life. You can be that person to help them but it also takes that other person to allow you into that world, usually when you do enter into that world, it’s not what you expected and it may even turn you away from wanting to build a relationship with them.
So, remind yourself of how people may have had a different experience of life than you, you can’t blame them entirely for not wanting to be your friend or for them not wanting to get along with you.
You also have different principles than other people as well, what you may think is a right may be totally different from others. An example of this is someone being a person of peace and tries to avoid confrontation wherever they go. Opposed to someone who may have raised to fight back when someone doesn’t respect them.
People are different, it’s that simple, don’t let this ruin your potential relationships that are coming up in the future, don’t force it.
This Will Build Your Confidence
When you have confidence in yourself, you realize that you don’t have to impress anyone. Life becomes a lot easier because when we’re younger, we do what we’re told to do in every situation. We do these things to impress our parents or people who are older than us. This does a good job of keeping us humble but every now and then we need to able to do things that we want to do without the say-so of others.
This gives us an opportunity to grow into a more confident version of ourselves. We should strive to do what is right but we should also strive to do what we think is right at all times, not what someone else thinks.
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to go around and disrespect everyone that you already have a relationship with but stand up for yourself every once in a while. This is something that is a lot easier said than done and can feel like the worst thing in the world when being done to someone who sees’s you as a “yes man.”
Set small goals when doing this, if this is somebody like your boss, then you might not want to be as ruthless but you still want to be able to show your ground.
Let’s talk about a situation like you’re talking to your boss or someone who may have a higher position than you at your job. If they ask you to do something that you know is the right thing to do or doesn’t bring value to the place you’re working at, at that very moment, suggest something else more productive instead in a calm tone.
Let’s say your manager asks you take out the trash from the breakroom when there’s barely any trash in there, instead of telling them “No!” asks them if you can make sure the store looks presentable by recovering all of the misplaced items first before you take out the trash.
When this is done in a calm tone, your manager will either tell you to do what they ask again or they may tell you to go with your suggestion. Either way, your manager is gaining more respect for you in this situation because they realize that you’re someone who actually cares about their job and about the value of the place you’re working at.
Relationships Become Simpler
In the process of not caring about what other people think about you, your relationships become easier to deal with and maintain. Being able to walk into a new environment without having to feen for anyone’s attention because you know that you have your friends and family to fall back on is an amazing feeling.
You start to automatically make more time for these relationships because these are the ones you actually care about. If a coworker is yelling at you, your reaction will be less vocal and less physical because you’re no longer bothered, the relationship you have with that person isn’t as important as the ones you have with the people close to you.
You no longer have to stress about who your friends are, it becomes more clear when you start to not care about what strangers think about you. You can still make friends along the road in the future but let life take its natural course and allow you to meet the people who you’re meant to meet.
At the end of the day, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important. This relationship will determine the kind of people you attract into your life and meet the people who will give you joy and growth.
Stop caring about what other people have to say about you, it doesn’t matter when it’s all said and done. What matters is the person who you view yourself to be. I’ll leave you with a quote from Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu that says
“Care about people’s approval, and you will always be their prisoner.”