Do you consider yourself to be self-centered?
We all have moments where we feel like we need to fix our lives before we try and help fix others.
Life makes you feel like the world is almost against you sometimes. When in reality it’s not, it takes some deep soul searching to figure that out. It’s almost like you want the world to be against you, it makes for a better sounding story.
Imagine how other people feel, there are some people who may be doing better than you emotionally and there are some people who may be doing worse than you. No matter if somebody is ahead or behind, they have something that you don't, a different perspective.
Looking through the lens of somebody else can be life-changing. Think about it, you spend so much time thinking about what problems you have and what your dreams are. Has it ever occurred to you that people have dreams and struggles that are just as important to them as yours are to you?
Take a look at your friends, what about them do you like so much? There’s probably a variety of things you like about them, but what’s most important out of all those things?
They understand you.
They don't judge you as everyone else does and they even treat you nicer than you treat yourself sometimes. You guys have mutual respect for one another because you both see eye to eye when it comes to value in that relationship.
So, when you’re ready to change your life for the better ask yourself these two questions:
“What do you typically look for in people” and “What do you think people look for in you?”
Focus your attention on what other people are good at and you will see them in a more positive light. Let’s look at a few things that happen when looking for the best in others and how you can do so.
Having a Genuine Interest in People and Their Lives
Have you ever lacked motivation? Of course, you have at some point in your life, everyone has!
Where does motivation usually come from?
Many books and movies will tell you that it comes from within but humans are naturally motivated by each other.
If you see somebody that has reached the point in their life that is also the same point as yours, you probably tell yourself that “if they can do it, so can I.”
This is what it boils down to, we are naturally drawn to people who have a certain drive in them. Want to know a little secret? Everyone has drive in them! Many people are not good at finding it in themselves, but when surrounded by the right people, somebody will find it for them.
The people who seem to be constantly motivated in their lives, what do they do that’s different than you? Nothing different really, they just have a genuine interest in what’s going on in other people's lives and they see how they can relate or help them.
When meeting somebody for the first time, you may treat the interaction like a transaction. You may not be actually using money in that interaction but you’re looking for what that person can do for you in exchange for what you can do for them.
It’s not your fault that you think this way, actually many people don’t even realize that they’re doing this more times than not.
Instead of having this mindset every time you meet somebody, try to figure out what their best trait is. Why are they talking to you? How do they present themselves to you? If they’re looking for respect than try to figure why that’s in their best interest.
Constantly ask yourself why this person is the way that they are. You will then see the good in them, you will begin to observe how they live their lives and how you can build a genuine relationship with them.
Remember the secret is to find out why they have an interest in certain things, not why they don't like what you like.
Figuring Out What Their Best Qualities Are
As you’re having more and more conversations with these people, you will notice something about them immediately. This happens so quickly that it usually goes over your head. You learn about what these people are naturally good at. It may be their communication skills or how they treat you in particular.
This became more relevant to me during my time working with new people, after weeks of getting to know these people I realized that every single one of them had a special gift. It was almost like that gift was just part of their personality. With that in mind, I treated everyone with respect knowing that they had something special to offer to that workplace and to the world.
The more respect you have for other people’s qualities, the more respect they will have for yours.
Many people wonder why they’re not getting the respect they deserve when it comes to their co-workers or their boss. That’s because they haven’t been treating those people with genuine respect.
Imagine somebody treating you with respect because of something you did that you weren’t proud of like stealing. You’re not comfortable with that feeling because you don’t want to be perceived as somebody who is a stealer.
Now, it becomes obvious after a while that people have qualities that suit them but you should also be asking yourself what about them do you admire the most?
This is a little different from those people’s natural talents because this is something that you personally like about that person. This will help you stand out from everyone else when it comes to building a relationship with that person.
The more you admire about a person, the more you will begin to admire other aspects of life.
Remember you should base your relationships and friendships around this principle that says:
You should care more about the quality that you see in your friends rather than the number of friends you actually have.
How to Look For the Good in Others
Ok, so you understand now that people have natural abilities that they are good at and that you should always show admiration towards them as well.
How do you discover these things?
Like I mentioned earlier, one of the best and most organic ways to find these traits in people is by having a conversation with them. Some conversations may start off awkward but over time they have the ability to develop into life-changing lessons that you are both sharing with each other.
If there’s somebody that you want to get to know or are not sure about, you can approach them and give them an honest compliment.
Usually, when it comes to guys and girls they like to hear something along the lines of something that stands out with their outfit or even their personality. This is a great way to break the ice and see how that person reacts to compliments.
Once you get that one on one conversation out of the way, you can ask them to join you in an activity. Something where you guys are moving around or doing something other than just sitting down and talking.
During this stage, you should be focused more on observing rather than questioning. Look at how they adapt to new environments and see what stands out the most to you when engaging in those activities.
I have a few friends that are way more energetic when we’re out shopping or getting something to eat rather than if we were sitting down and talking about life.
Lastly, when you’re observing these people look at how they treat others. You will meet some people who may treat other people more harshly than they treat you, this is something to watch out for.
When it comes to looking for the best in that person, you don't want to judge them right away for them treating somebody differently that you, instead look for what they do to strangers that impact them greatly.
Maybe they give compliments to strangers or maybe they have good eye contact with them as well. You should constantly be practicing how you can start to see the good in others, make it a habit.
There are not many things you can do to quickly change your life. Building habits like looking for the best in others will help you see life in a brighter bubble.
I’ll leave you with a quote from Martin Luther King Jr. that says
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?”