How do we look out for ourselves without being judgemental?
We judge people every day, it’s a part of our daily routine. Telling ourselves that we know somebody before we even meet them is wrong, but we do it anyway. Do you ever wonder how that stranger feels about you? It’s a tough inner battle that we all face as humans but we can start judging people less with a little bit of practice.
Being judgmental has become an instinct to the human species, we even judge things that are not human including retail products and animals. There is no magic formula that will stop you from judging people immediately, we have to look into the reasoning why we do it first.
We like to put our safety before anybody else’s, if it’s not ours first then it’s our family or friends. Ultimately, we’ve all heard stories of people who have done wrong things to other people. These stories can be about betrayal or being used for our own good. These are not just stories but situations that we’ve all experienced before.
I’ve had many coworkers who I felt I could trust with my work, when I realized that they were only looking out for themselves, the truth came out and I was not only disappointed in the other person but in myself too.
Being judgemental can be seen as good or bad, we shouldn't judge people by what they look like or how they talk but by their actions. You can be judgmental with good intentions and still be let down or make the mistake of assuming wrong about somebody. We think we know everyone because we’ve experienced tons of personalities in our existence so far but the truth is that we don’t.
There are many more good people out in the world than we think and there are many more bad people in the world than we think. Can you agree that everyone deserves a fresh start? Especially if you don’t know them? Giving people a chance can have a major impact on your future relationships and an opportunity to learn more about other people rather than just spending too much time trying to learn about yourself.
Stop Acting As If You Know Them Already.
Have you forgotten that you’re a stranger too? We have to stop telling ourselves that only our thoughts matter and that we are right about everything. There is always room to improve in your life and there is always time to learn. Judging someone who’ve we’ve never met before is like placing a bet on something that you think you know but in reality, you don’t.
I’m guilty of judging more times than not, this happens at work all the time. If I see someone who looks suspicious walking into the store, am I being aware or am I being judgemental? I’m doing both, this idea that people look like they are something they’re not is something that is destroying a lot of potential relationships.
If you’re somebody who gets approached by many people because of your looks and you just blow them away every time, are you judging or are you trying not to get your time wasted? As you can see, this mindset is tough to have and almost no one is the answer, but you can start by not acting like you know someone already.
People always have different perspectives to offer, you would be surprised by the amount of knowledge that somebody has in a certain subject. Remember, what you know about one certain field isn’t everything to know about that field.
Looking at your thoughts from a different perspective can be hard but is always beneficial in the long run. Have you ever had a friend that’s tried to give you advice but you ignore it because you think that they don’t know what you’re feeling?
We mess up many of the relationships that we’re in because of overthinking. Having a friend to back you up and show you what's right from wrong from an outer lens will give you the opportunity to make a smart move than going with your so-called “gut.”
Confront Them With Positivity, More Than Once
Let’s say you’re seeing somebody more than one day out of the week but you never talk to them. You don’t talk to them because of some story that you made up about them in your head. Maybe they’ve given you a nasty look or you get a negative vibe from them. Don’t judge somebody because of one lousy meeting with them, do you think this one bad meeting has made up their whole life?
They’ve had accomplishments, they have insecurities just like you, and they probably even have a sense of humor. It’s your fault that you can’t discover any of these cool characteristics about them.
If you don’t know how to split the ice then you can have a conversation with them about how their day is going. If they give you a negative response back then move on with your life, they have enough issues that they’re dealing with if they can’t respond to a friendly conversation starter.
You know what it’s like to feel judged, so why would you want somebody else to have to go through that. Don’t ever feel like you have to force a conversation with somebody, these convos will have their natural sequence in your life if you just go with the flow.
Nature does what it does and will always do what it wants so who are you to think that you can change that?
Always give people a fresh start because they deserve one too. Don’t ever think only about yourself when meeting people for the first time, look at how you can bring value to others and life will be much simpler.
Think About How They View You
Looking yourself in the mirror can give you an idea of how people view you but the poses that you do in the mirror will never match the real action that you do in everyday life.
If you’re somebody who is genuinely trying to spread positivity and is looking out for others then people will see that in you and the same goes for if you have a negative view on life. Knowing this, you should reconsider how and when you judge people.
Can you remember the last time you had a day where nothing was going your way? Life will make your body slouch and walk with a frown on your face sometimes but that doesn’t mean your a negative person right? So, when you see people who have a negative attitude or look like they don’t want to be bothered, think back to when you may have felt the same way.
Sometimes, just saying “hi” can really make a person’s day and can also make you feel like you’re doing something right too. People judge you based on your actions just like you judge them the same.
There is no exception to you, people don’t know everything that you’ve gone through in your life when seeing you for the first time. It’s silly to think that you’re always thinking in the right mindset and that you know more than anybody about social skills. At the end of the day, we’re all just humans on this big Earth trying to figure out this thing called “life.” I know that was pretty cliche but it's the truth, the next time you’re thinking about judging somebody who you barely know remember that the world is filled with billions of people and that you are just one of those billions.
Have more compassion for the people you know and don't know because in the end we are each trying to make the best out of our lives and that can’t be done if we’re constantly judging each other.
The world will change when it’s ready to, change is inevitable so we should do all that we can to embrace it. Us trying to change the natural order of life by constantly judging people will not help anything and it will make all of us more stressed. I’ll leave you with a quote that says
“Stop judging how far people still have to go. Start celebrating how far they’ve come.”